Artemis Fowl (Artemis Fowl #1) is a 2001 science fiction fantasy novels written by Eoin Colfer, published by Viking Press, narrated by Nathaniel Parker, and audio by Listening Library.  Set as the first book in the series, the story follows a twelve-year-old criminal mastermind named Artemis Fowl II, who kidnaps a fairy for a large ransom of gold.

Plot: Eoin Colfer weaves a pretty interesting and unique tale, with some good twists and turns. However, it does feel lacking in the second half of the book, which slows down dramatically. The main story is interesting but at the same time dumb. Why is Artemis trying to extort fairies for gold? If he was such a mastermind why wouldn’t he just rob a bank? It would’ve made more sense had he done it to try and save his father with magic. A more believable motivation that would make him more of a sympathetic character. Another subplot he has is his deteriorating relationship with his mother, which does get resolved in the end. One of these I’ll admit that the climax was actually pretty badass with an epic battle with a troll. However, the ending does leave you dissatisfied and even scratching your head. (3 out of 5)

Characters: The cast is split into humans and fantasy species and honestly, the humans freaking suck. I don’t say it because of the things they do in the story but because of who they are. Artemis Fowl II is the so called criminal mastermind but his plan is actually stupid. He’s a poorly written character who relies on the convenience of plot armor to accomplish his goals. Child genius’ normally tend to be poorly written and I don’t like most of them in the least bit. Butler is his right hand man and he offers nothing but muscle. He has no interesting input to help his charge. There’s no balance to the two. If you’ve ever seen Sherlock Holmes with Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law, you see that despite Holmes’ intelligence, Watson does figure out things and makes up for Holmes’ weaknesses. That chemistry is sorely lacking between Artemis and Butler. Hell, even Alfred questions Bruce.

The fantasy characters are much more interesting and likable. Holly is this elf who gets kidnapped by Artemis. She’s likable but tough as nails and actually shows a bit of depth. Holly’s commander is Julius Root and he’s the stereotypical superior officer. But I tend to like them because although they have a tough exterior there’s more to their characters outside of the job. Foaly is the stereotypical nerd who comes up with the technical stuff for the LEP and also some of the comedy relief. Together the three remind you of the cast of SUV, but they do compliment each other. And lastly we have Mulch who’s this thieving dwarf who also brings a bit of comedy to the characters as well. So the humans suck ass (not because they’re villains but because they’re poorly written) and the magical characters are awesome. (3 out of 5)

Audio: I gotta say that I’m impressed with the reading.
Nathaniel Parker’s narration was clear, well-paced, and the characterization was distinct. I hope to hear more from Parker’s work. (4 out of 5)

Writing: The writing is where the book suffers from the most unfortunately but it does have its good points. First, Eoin Colfer does create a really interesting setting. The whole fantasy aspect does feel a part of the world. The mesh of magic and technology is done really well, casting a unique look on the magical society that we haven’t seen before. The LEPRcon division is pretty unique, hands down. They’re basically the MIB of the magical world, making sure humans don’t learn about them. Colfer’s characterization is pretty strong if not a bit one dimensional at times. He also handles the various elements really well. The blend of science fiction and fantasy work really well. There’s action and even a bit of humor, especially the dialogue between the characters. It’s pretty hit-or-miss.

There’s a difference between super intelligence and convenience and, like many other genius, mastermind characters in different media, this story often mixes the two. There are instances where Artemis comes to a certain conclusion and the story supports it. However, there are others where he just pulls something out of his ass. And it’s spot on with no support from the story. The whole idea behind his plan to acquire gold through extortion of magical creatures was kind of stupid and how he acquired his knowledge of their culture was dumb. How is there a handbook about all of your customs, all of your protocols, all of your weaknesses? That doesn’t make any sense. It would’ve made more sense had he kidnapped Holly and made her tell him their secrets. I like Colfer’s setup but honestly I don’t like some of the writing. (2 out of 5)

The Verdict: In the end, Artemis Fowl (Artemis Fowl #1) is a bit of a hit-or-miss. I was really disappointed by this book especially how well received it has been. There’s a lot of good, but it’s only weighed down by the equal amount of bad. Now, to be clear, it’s clearly meant for children. There’s a certain appeal though. The story and setup are interesting, there’s a good amount of action and humor, and Parker’s narration is good. However, the writing and story could’ve been handled better, and the characters are one dimensional. Artemis Fowl (Artemis Fowl #1) gets 3 out of 5.