The Lair of the White Worm is a 1988 horror film directed by Ken Russell (The Russia House), starring Amanda Donohoe (Liar Liar), Hugh Grant (Cloud Atlas), Catherine Oxenberg (The Omega Code), Peter Capaldi (Doctor Who), and Sammi Davis (Mona Lisa). Loosely based on the Bram Stoker novel of the same name, the story picks up after an archaeologist uncovers a strange skull in a foreign land, the residents of a near-by town begin to disappear, leading to further inexplicable occurrences.

The story isn’t bad but the execution is poorly done. I like movies where vampires come into town and start creating havoc. Unfortunately, this isn’t one of those films. There’s a good amount of time to build the main characters. But there’s a serious lack of tension, a serious lack of buildup. There are scenes that happen that make absolutely no sense and give nothing to the main story. And if it supposedly does add to the story, it’s so confusing what’s happening that the point just gets lost. And the fact that we get virtually no backstory on Sylvia is just an injustice. The ending was anti-climatic. Actually, the ending was just terrible. (2 out of 5)

For the most part the characters are okay who include archaeologist Angus Flint, sisters Mary and Eve, and the current Lord of the Manor James d’Ampton. They have lives with meaningful relationships. They are believable and it’s easy to like them, though I’m baffled at James’ sudden obsession with his lineage. It felt contrived and made little to no sense. As for our villainess Sylvia, she was hit or miss. I think she’s beautiful and she has presence. But she’s literally given nothing to do and what she does isn’t interesting. We don’t even get to see herr origins or her motivations. Also, if feels like the writer thinks audiences are dumb. If you couldn’t see that she was the villain, you’re practically blind, deaf, and dumb. Why the entire time she’s acting like a snake and making these snake puns? Snakes-and-ladders, really? Good idea for a villain but man did the writer drop the ball on this one. (3 out of 5)

The performances are decent enough, the main cast includes Amanda Donohoe, Hugh Grant, Catherine Oxenberg, Peter Capaldi, and Sammi Davis. I really liked Davis and thought she stood out amongst the cast. It was good seeing a younger Capaldi. I did like Donohoe but felt she had little to do. Was it worth seeing Donohoe naked and in dominatrix outfits? Hell yes. She’s completely sexy. But in terms of giving us an interesting villain that’s crafty, the film is seriously lacking. Still, the performances were decent. (3 out of 5)

The special effects are decent. The vampire makeup is okay though it’s a little exaggerated. The exceptionally long fangs looked ridiculous. The set pieces are good and feel like they tell a story of their own. I don’t understand the choices for the dream sequences. They look shitty, are confusing, and is quite unnecessary. The snake-god effects were okay but wished it had more to do. There’s no blood, no gore, although there is a good shot of a vampire who got cut in half. (2 out of 5)

Oddly enough the music wasn’t bad. Yeah, it’s got the cheese from those eighties horrors set in the country side but because it’s this it works. It’s subtle in its approach to character interactions which make conversations meaningful. Stanislas Syrewicz does decent enough job with the music although there are some sections where it does feel a little heavy handed. (3 out of 5)

How this could be considered a horror film is beyond me? I know little of Ken Russell’s career but under his direction this movie just falls flat on nearly all fronts. Instead of actually filling the movie with interesting side characters, complex subplots, Russell has instead opted to fill the film with a half-naked beautiful woman (which is always good but doesn’t make a film good), a bunch of unnecessary dream sequences, and poor writing. Also, the film feels like Russell has no idea where he was going with it. How did Angus find a skull but no other bones or evidence? How was Sylvia affected by the music playing at James’ mansion? Where did Angus did a freaking grenade? What was the point of the airplane scene? I can see this movie being remade and honestly it should be. Now this movie is an adaptation of Bram Stoker’s book of the same name and it’s a bad movie. As far as Bram Stoker’s works, Dracula is by far a better film. The film gives a deep story, the villain is actually deep, kills more satisfying (but the film was made years later). (1 out of 5)

In the end, The Lair of the White Worm is just awful. I’ve seen this film being somewhat of a cult classic and I don’t see why. Seeing Amanda Donohoe naked was awesome and the performances and characters were decent. But there’s just so much holding this movie back. The Lair of the White Worm gets 2 out of 5.